“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of man being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.” Paul Tillich
When you think of a person who is single, you automatically think that person is alone. However, a Christian who is single isn’t alone! On the contrary! She has a Heavenly Father Who loves and watches out for her. It is good to be reminded often of this truth. As a single woman, your desire should be to be used of God and please Him with everything you do.
Satan can use loneliness to cause you to stop trusting God and waiting for Him to do what is best for you, which can make you want to take matters into your own hands.
Here are some lessons I have learned as a single.
Needs are met and often exceeded
You may wonder how your needs will be met. What if you can’t pay your bills? What will happen if you lose your job? What if you remain single your whole life? Who will take care of you? It is important that you turn to God.
Psalms 86:10, Philippians 4:6, Philippians 4:19, II Corinthians 9:8
God is a much better provider than any man can ever be. This may be hard to remember because you can’t see God. Remember that He knows your needs better than anyone. God always cares and always wants what is best for you.
Opportunities to serve our Savior
As Christians we have a responsibility to serve the Lord. Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary states, “We must never think our work for God [is] done, till our life is done.”
Deuteronomy 10:12, Deuteronomy 10:20, Joshua 24:14,
I Samuel 12:24, Psalms 100:2
In Luke 2:36-38 we see a widow woman, Anna, who served the Lord as a single. Her husband of seven years had died; it wasn’t what she had expected or wanted. Because of that, she could have allowed herself to become bitter and not do anything for God. However, she realized that she needed to do something for God.
Singles need to remind themselves of the same. Even though being single may not be what they would have chosen, they still need to serve God.
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell
There are many ways to serve. All you need to do is look. God will show you ways to serve. But you need to be doing something for God!
Trust put to the test
Psalms 139:17, II Samuel 22:3, Psalms 62:8
Webster’s College Dictionary defines trust as “reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.” Do you have confidence in God? Do you believe that He always wants the best for you? It is easy to say that you trust God, but do your actions prove that you trust God? Do place your hopes and desires in God’s hands and trust Him no matter what happens.
“God expects of us the one thing that glorifies Him and that is to remain absolutely confident in Him, remembering what He has said before hand, and sure that His purposes will be fulfilled.” Oswald Chambers
Growing up if you would have told me that I would still be single at fifty, I wouldn’t have believed you. All I ever wanted was to be married and have children. Why am I still single? Doesn’t God love me? I remind myself often that He knows what I need and what is best for my life. At this time, being single is His plan for me.
It has been hard over the years. Sometimes it breaks my heart that I do not have children of my own or a husband to love. But I don’t want to be in a bad marriage. I refuse to get married just to be married. It is hard enough being married to the right person—I don’t need to struggle with an unhappy marriage. I have had to learn that God truly does know what is best for me even if that means that I stay single. I don’t know what God has for my future. None of us do. I choose to trust God with my future. He always gives His best to His children. You can trust Him with your future, as well.
A chance to praise the Lord
There are so many things in life that are going to disappoint and hurt you: people who break your trust, the death of a loved one, a financial problem that overwhelms you, or any other number of disappointments that come along in life. We live in a sinful and imperfect world. Things will not always go well. Do you praise the Lord even when things don’t go the way you think they should? It may not be what you want, but you need to remember that the world can see your faith by you praising the Lord in every circumstance—even the ones you don’t like. Everything that happens to us passes through God’s hands. Praise Him for what He is going to do in your life.
Deuteronomy 10:21, 1 Chronicles 23:30, 1 Chronicles 29:13,
Psalms 9:1, Psalms 28:7
Sometimes it is hard to praise the Lord, but we are supposed to praise Him in all circumstances, even when we don’t understand or like that situation. He is the God of the universe. He is our King of Kings. He is deserving of our praise just because He is God. Our praise makes Him happy.
Besides God being deserving of our praise, there is always someone watching us, waiting to see what we will do in a situation. My brother came back to the Lord (in a roundabout way) because of my obedience to God. After my fiancé and I broke up, I was in a terrible depression. My life was over—or so I thought. God used that circumstance to start working in my heart to bring me back to Him. Once I started coming back to church, I influenced (actually tricked) my sister to start coming back also. As a result, she invited a friend to church, and he got saved. She ended up marrying this guy and had a son, Gabriel. When Gabriel was three years old, he was diagnosed with leukemia. God had started working in my brother’s life already, but Gabriel’s leukemia so impacted my brother that he started coming back to church. God also used Gabriel’s leukemia in my mom’s life, as well. God has been good. He used me to impact others. In a sense, they saw my praise for the Lord. I could have stayed away from the Lord, but I needed Him more than anything else.
Who is watching you? Is there someone out there who is waiting to see what you do because of the situation you are going through? Does she see someone praising the Lord anyway or becoming bitter because things aren’t going well or the way you thought they should be going?
Learn to lean
I have always been a very independent person. Sometimes, though, that can be a bad thing because when I need help, I don’t get it because I don’t ask for it. Maybe it is my pride that stands in the way. I don’t want people to see me as incompetent or weak. If I have to be alone, I want people to see that I can handle it. Most of the time, I can (of course, with God’s help), but there are times when I need to lean on someone.
I love the story of Moses and his rod in the later part of Exodus 17. Amalek came to fight with Israel so Moses sent Joshua and some men to fight. Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of a hill. When Moses held the rod of God up, the Israelites prevailed, but when his hand came down, Amalek prevailed. After a while, he got tired and needed help so Aaron and Hur gave him a rock to sit on and they held up his hands. They held them there until the sun went down, and Joshua ended up winning that battle. Now I know that it was ultimately God who won that battle. But I also know that Moses learned to lean that day.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Proverbs 27:17, Job 6:14a
How can we help anyone else if we are struggling? If our cup is empty, how can we share with anyone else? There will be times when you need help. Maybe you need someone to pray for you. It could be that you need someone to talk to. Perhaps you need someone to encourage you. I have learned that I need others.
God has given us a wonderful gift in the form of friends. Good friends are there when you need them. A good friend will do what she can to help you through any problem that arises. That help could be just praying. Maybe that help is a much needed hug or is a good laugh. It may be that she helps by telling you the truth in love. At times, you will need to lean on your friends.
It is also important to lean on spiritual leaders. Asking some of your spiritual leaders to pray for you can help. A spiritual leader who loves you doesn’t need to know details if you aren’t comfortable sharing them. You can just tell them that you are struggling and need prayer. If they love the Lord and you, they will be happy to pray for you. God knows the need. Just as Moses needed help holding his arms up during the battle, we need someone to “hold us up,” as well. Do you ask for prayer when you are struggling?
Also, and most importantly, I have learned to lean on Jesus. That can tie in with trust. I love the hymn, Learning to Lean. “Learning to lean, learning to lean, I’m learning to lean on Jesus; Finding more power than I’ve ever dreamed, I’m learning to lean on Jesus.”
Leaning on Jesus gives us power to make it through each day. Leaning on Jesus gives us power to face our fears. Leaning on Jesus gives us power to impact others.
Opportunities to help and encourage others
This point ties in with learning to lean. As I said earlier, if you are struggling, how can you help others?
So many people around us are hurting. We all know someone who is carrying a burden. It could be that they haven’t even shared it with anyone yet. Perhaps it is someone struggling financially. A single person with a good job may be able to help someone financially. Someone may need help after surgery. A single person can stay and be a help. Maybe you know a single who is struggling. Encourage them to stay true to the Lord and keep trusting Him. Singles need to look for those opportunities to encourage others: notes, emails, phone calls, visits.
Proverbs 31:20, Isaiah 41:6 , Deuteronomy 3:28
Need to see our value in the Lord
As a single, there are times when I feel less important than someone who is married. However, I need to remember that no matter what people say or think, singles are just as valuable as married people. Christ died for the individual not the married person. He thinks each soul is valuable and precious.
Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that, but that is exactly what Satan wants. He wants us to think that we aren’t anything unless we are with someone. He wants us to do anything we can to be with someone: date unsaved or poor Christians, give in to the pressure to have sex before marriage, lower our dress standards to attract a guy. If we do that, we tarnish our testimony as Christians which makes us ineffective.
We need to remember that we are something because Jesus Christ loved and died for us, not because of our marital status. We are precious enough for Jesus to die for. We were loved enough and worthy enough. That doesn’t mean we are any better, but rather just as special as a married person.
Precious – Psalms 139:17-18
Loved – Jeremiah 31:3
Peculiar treasure – Exodus 19:5
Joint heirs – Romans 8:17
Valuable to God – Luke 12:7
Thought of – Jeremiah 29:11
Child of God – Luke 20:36
Every day must include God
This may be the most important lesson that I have had to learn. It is essential to stay close to God whether you are single or married. When you drift away from the Lord, it is easy for Satan to discourage you. We need to be in God’s Word and praying each day in order to feed our spirit. Our strength comes from time alone with God.
When I was little, my mom had a problem keeping me from turning my face toward the sun. She says my eyes would water, but I had to have my face toward the sun. Even now I find myself doing the same thing. On a bright, sunny day, I will tilt my face up toward the sun to soak in the warm rays. It is the same thing with the Son, Jesus Christ. Keep your face tilted toward Him. Soak in all the rays from His glorious presence.
Deuteronomy 13:4, Psalms 18:30, Psalms 119:10, Jude 1:20
I found this wonderful tool to remember this point:
L – Learn everything you can about Jesus Christ – church, Bible, pray
O – Obey God in every area of your life
R – Rely on God’s Holy Spirit
D – Decide to be like Jesus Christ