After a long drought of words, I am back. LOL. I apologize for such a long spell between posts. December was such a busy time with work, coaching cheerleading, end of year projects at work, Christmas shopping, and sickness. On top of that, my brain was so overloaded that I didn’t have words. I asked the Lord to give me something. Well, last week He did. However, I am going to wait to post what He gave me until later in March. You see, I have recently been confronted with my past. I will explain that a little later.
For the first time, my church is going to have a teen ladies conference in March. I am so excited. We have a ladies meeting, a teen conference and a conference for the third through sixth grade. But we didn’t have anything to speak to our girls about the tough subjects. To have a time of fun with just the young ladies. A time to encourage and help them.
Last year during a time of fearfulness, God laid the teen ladies conference on my heart. I was doing all I could to encourage myself through that time of fearfulness, and through that, the Lord brought this idea to my mind. Our youth pastor, his wife, our pastors and the lady counsellors are all on board. We are all praying that God will use this time to encourage and help our teens.
My youth pastor’s wife asked me to be one of the speakers at the conference. What an honor! We have been brainstorming about the conference and had some topics we thought should be included. I had a topic that I was going to speak on—one that I struggled with as a teen and young adult to an extent. However, God had a different plan. Which is why I was confronted with my past.
You see, I was away from the Lord for a period of time. In fact, it was a ten year stretch. I am thankful to say that I have been serving the Lord for over twenty years now. What a loving and forgiving God I serve. I don’t like that time in my life. I am ashamed to say that I grieved the Lord so much by the things I allowed and did.
On January 13, we had a meeting with our lady counsellors to work on the conference. After the meeting, one of the counsellors talked to our youth pastor’s wife. She told her that we need to talk to the girls about some deeper subjects than what we laid out at the meeting. Monday morning, my youth pastor’s wife text me telling me this and named a couple of the topics that our young ladies need to hear. Well, God smote my heart as soon as I read that text. You see one of the topics is one I was involved in while away from the Lord. Immediately, I told the Lord, “no.” I begged Him not to have me talk about it. I don’t want to talk about that time. I don’t want to tell the girls some of the things I was involved in. I plead with Him all day. It was a struggle. Well, He ultimately won. I surrendered to talk about whatever He wanted me to and my post last Monday night.
Now you may think that the struggle was over. Not in the least. I had to talk to my youth pastor’s wife, my pastor and my co-pastor to tell them what I was going to talk about. I was so ashamed telling them about that time. They knew I was away from the Lord, but knew that the Lord had forgiven me and was using me. Now though, I had to tell them some of the things I was involved in because the Lord was asking me to talk about it at the conference. I didn’t want them to find out from someone at the meeting. Plus, I needed their consent. After reading the post and praying, they counselled me to make sure it is what God wants me to do. If it is, then they would support it. What peace settled on me! Peace in knowing that God was directing.
This morning I started reading Psalm 51 in my devotion time. I only got through the first four verses because they spoke so much to my heart. This Psalm was written after Nathan the prophet came to David after he had sinned with Bathsheba. “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightiest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest” (Psalm 51:1-4). I sinned against the Lord, but He has forgiven me.
Although I was confronted with my past last week, I told the Lord that He can use me. Do I want to expose my sin? No. Am I afraid of what people will think of me? Yes. But I know that I am not that person any more. God has asked me to do this because He wants to use me. Maybe there is someone that will be at the conference that is struggling as I was. Maybe there is someone who has just started out making some poor choices and hearing my testimony will discourage them from continuing down that path. I told the Lord I will fight Satan for our teens. And fight I will. Even at the expense of myself.